The Result of Boredom & Choices
@ 1:06 AM
I hate it when I'm bored. By stating the obvious, there is nothing for me to do.
So far, Tang & Gang is doing great. We are at least moving a bit. Just hope I can see through this project till it ends. I'm glad this project will take some of my free time away so I will be experiencing boredom lesser.
I am confused and torn. I want to study but I am financially unstable at the moment. It is not a possibility for the moment. And this is making me feel depressed. But I shall still go for the NTU talk next week. Anyone wants to join me?
I want to sign up for SPF & SAF. I almost did. Then on the day I decide to log in to the Internet and sign up, I check my mail box (physical, not emails) and that is when I received the letter from NTU about the talks.
I was ecstatic. I want to continue study. I was thinking of all the possibilities of financial bodies giving out help to needy students. My bubbles have to be burst by people. They tried to cover up by saying that its good that I still have the intention to study. They are just making me feel worst. Intention is not enough for me. I need to do it. I dislike the idea of doing it and not doing anything to make the things to happen. Thinking and actions are 2 different things.
So I fake it through by smiling. Only people who knows me well enough can tell that the smile is so fake. I am making it more obvious by snapping at anyone who just seems to annoy me or just being plain stupid. Unfortunately, I didn't meet the people who knows me well the whole week. So I was not comforted.
When I'm depressed, I just hate myself and everyone. When I have self-loathe, I become a difficult person. When I become a difficult person, I become mean and my words can hurt others badly. I shall try to manage my anger. But as of right now, I have not met any means that can help me channel my anger to something less harmful. Old methods don't work anymore. But I am open to suggestions.
You can sms me or email me any suggestions you have. Or just send a joke that a sure-way to make me smile/laugh. At least it makes my day happier.
Nadiah.
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