Boring Long Weekend
@ 12:02 AM
What a boring long weekend. That is what I am feeling now. I don't like CNY because I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I'm practically stuck at home, eat whatever I got my hands in and sleep when I'm full. I did not prepare a good book for me to read for this long weekend. Stoopid me. Should have make the time to rent a couple of Archie comics and drop by the library to borrow some books. Lazy me. Should hit myself in the head.
My sister hogged the computer all day. So there goes my plan to play computer games. Watching TV was okay. I found out my aunt was a die-hard fan of Taufik Batisah when they played his music video. She was practically have her eyes glued to the TV and told us to keep quiet so she can concentrate on him. Sheesh. Adults can be weird.
And talking about TV, my TV is weird. Thise familiar with SCV, will know that we'll have 2 remote control, one for teh Tv and the other for the SCV channels. We don't usually have to use the TV remote but that day when my mom came over, I have to use it a lot. Everytime she walks past the TV, it will change to channel number 2 (notw: I'm using channel 0 to when I use SCV). Then I tried. Nothing. She tried again and it changed everytime. Then my grandma walks past it and it changed. Not satisfied, I walked past it a few times and it won't change channel. Only when I wanted to switch off the TV and my fingers touched the power button on the TV did it then changed to channel 2. Today, I tried again. Not working at all. Stoopid, weird TV.
Nadiah.
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Pissed, Pissed, Pissed
@ 6:30 PM
I am officially pissed off with some of my friends and family member since Sunday morning and there's more pissing me off up till now.
If you get offended by this statement, you should be.
If you're not, good for you.
How pissed off I am?
Well, I refuse to eat dinner. Instead, I locked myself in the room and eat a big bag of potato chips, refusing to talk to anyone. Although I learnt that eating potato chips on an empty stomach makes your tummy hurts, I don't care. It feels better than the current state I'm in.
I ate 3 Kinder surprise eggs for lunch. The toys makes me happy but not the chocolate. So I buy more chocolates.
I listen to music loudly until my ear hurts to keep people from talking to me. I got a crazy-woman stare from people and I look at them with a what's-your-problem? stare.
You can blame it on PMS. But I'm blaming YOU, if you're offended.
Nadiah.
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Saturday Night
@ 11:45 PM
Waking up groggily on a Saturday morning from a few hous of sleep, my best friend messaged me asking what time I want to meet him since he is facing some problems and he wanted to blare it in my ear. Meeting him, I thought I will only hear him talk about his girlfriend, but no, I was dragged to see his girlfriend hoping that I can talk on his behalf. I told him I won't fdo it. part of the reason was it was his problem to settle between him and his girlfriend, another reason being when he was telling me everything, let's just say I only listen to part of it and got distracted with other things instead. So he end up communicating to his girlfriend while I was making plans for my social life next week.
After that settle, the 3 of us meet up my cousin and her boyfriend to find a present for the birthday boy whose chalet we were invited to. It was not easy to find a present for a guy who can afford everything he wants. We end up buying some items that I shall not reveal, and grab a cab to go to CostaSand. It was not easy for 4 people squeezed in a cab trying to wrap a present. But somehow we did it. By the time we got out of the cab, the 4 of us who were squeezed at the back of the cab got out crookedly with cramp limbs and a present that have been wrapped.
The food was great. I ate a lot since the previous night, I can't eat much, thanks to the costume I wore for my D&D. Everyone was really having fun until the aunties wanted to sleep. They slept in the cozy, air-conditioned room with lots of warm blankets and fluffy pillows while we end up outside under a sheltered roof. I was one of the lucky one who got the cold-metal bench all to myself. Some have to settle for the floors. I don't know how, but somehow all of us managed to get a few hours of sleep in the long, cold night. We feel like a group of homeless people with not much possessions. But funny thing was, none of us wanted to spare that few dollars cab ride to home-sweet-home.
When I woke up, I nearly fall of the bench but luckily I didn't because all my joints are stiff and I can't move my leg well. Any normal person will get the shock of their life and fell off when they open up their eyes and saw the guy who use to have a crush on you sitting about 1 1/2 metres away from you watching you sleep. I was muttering some curses under my breath for my sudden morning shock while the others slowly and drowsily woke up too, some of them having a bad hangovers from the drinking-fest they have last night.
All of us then drag our feet up the room to continue our sleep in the room now that all the aunties are out in the pool at 7 am in the morning. I am the lucky few who got the bed. The rest of the guys are scattered everywhere on the floor, all of us sleeping in a funny positions.
That was Saturday Night...and a Sunday morning
Nadiah.
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Friday Night...
@ 11:13 PM
Friday is my Dinner & Dance, was also an off day for the whole company. But I still get my morning being disturbed by other people. Kinda frustrating though. So I drag myself of the bed and get ready slowly. Since I'm picking uoo my costume in the afternoon, get ready at Amara hotel (the venue of the D&D) after that, I'd decide I shall wear the high heels there. Besides, I'm not sure where I can put my stuff if I brong them along.
**Things to take note: High heels can make your leg look slimmer & longer, but it also hurt your feet like hell. By the end of the day I can't feel them. They should reserve some seats in the train for women who wear heels not because they enjoy it but because they don't have much choice.**I got ready in the toilet. When I'm half done, I refuse to get out of the toilet. Too embarassing. I felt so over-the-top with my costume. I stayed there from about 4pm all the way to about 7pm. That is how long I need to get ready and to make me get out of the toilet. And guess where I hid my belongings - under my skirt. It wasa big skirt, even if I wore anything underneath, it won't affect the look of the skirt. So I wore the jeans I came in with, stuff my precious belong under in the pocket, and I'm good to go. I have to hold my handphone in my hand though since friends kept calling and messaging me. Hehehe...I don't want to dig under my skirt to get that handphone.
Luckily when I went up to the ballroom, I felt much more better. There are more people more over-the-top than me. Worse will be one of my colleague, wearing her trademark red outfit that she wore to office everyday.
The D&D was fun. Got up the stage when we were playing games asking for people wearing red to be up on stage. Well, my is super-red costume so of course everyone push me up the stage. Got up again to receive token of appreciation with my whole team. The prize is from my boss. I knew what it was but didn't know for what occasion, so when they called us to receive them, I was dumbfounded. Did not realise my boss was that kind and not heartless at all. Got up the stage again when they called all of us who make the effort to dress up for the theme to go up. I was standing in the front row when a flash caught my attention. I realised photographers were all standing in front of the stage taking our photos. I was like "shit! I'm in front". So all I can do is smile helplessly and pose for the pictures. Then we got down the stage, one by one, while receiving a token of appreciation for dressing-up.
Lucky draw time and I was aiming for the iPod Nano sponsored by our courier company. But I didn't wont that. I got the 8th prize. When they were describing it, a microwave, I was praying that they don't call my number while thinking of the 2 microwaves that my sister won on different years when she was in her previous company. But my luck was short. Each digit they called out, I was like "shit!, Shit" until it was confirmed I won that microwave; the 3rd free microwave my family member get to enjoy.
Imagine how I scratched my overly-stiff-hair-due-to-too-much-hair-spray head while sitting on the prize and figuring out how to drag the big bag of costume and the prize home in the middle of the night. I thank my lucky stars, go up to 2 of my friends that I have known for almost 10 years from Primary 4, to the same Secondary school, Polytechnic and now work place, pull a pathetic-poor-Nadiah face and they agreed to help me bring the stuff up to my house.
That was Friday...
Nadiah.
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Rest Day
@ 11:11 PM
Today, I decided to take an off day from work. So what will a day off from work for Nadiah will be?
Well, I try to wake up late but there's just something/someone who decided to disrupt my morning peaceful sleep. And its not fun when I have a very bad back ache. My back is just killing me. So I got ready for my the nest thing to do.
I went to visit Andrew & Grace Home. The visit was fun. Spent the whole day there. Its an eye-opener. Have the same effect as my first visit to the prison 2 years back. Whatever my impression and thoughts of a home is totally different from what it actually is.
Then we decide to have a late lunch. So we went to a nearby foodcourt at near Eunos MRT. I never felt so out of place in my life before. About 98% of the people there are Malays. All of them are like looking up at us (2 malays, 3 Chinese & 1 Eurasian) as though we are tresspassing on a prohibited area. I never felt so discriminated by my own race. But, we just sat and eat despite all the weird stares we received.
Then we went back to AGH to resume our discussion. We were a bit dead at first but our energy seeps in back slowly after each person have their say.
After that, we went our separate ways. I met my colleagues to rent costumes for our company's dinner and dance. Originally, I have not planned to rent any. Everyone planned to wear nice evening gown. Somewhere along the way, it became a masquerade-costume party. All the people in the managerial level will be dressing at their best. We were encouraged to do so. Since the manager have start the pace, most of them decide to rent too. Went I saw that even the "aunties" starts renting costumes too, I was like thinking, "What the heck. Its a one time thing anyway. Doesn't hurt to put in extra effort to look nice. Anyway if I were to wear a 'nice' gown, I'll feel the odd one out". So there I went, renting the costumes with the help of some of my colleage. It was fun playing dress-ups especially when you can fit in everything.
But I shall not reveal what I rent. Let's just see if I decide to take pictures on that day or not. Even if I will take photos, let's just see if I want to post it or not. So don't bug me about the pics YUN & SYIQ...hehehe. I know both of you dying to know what it will be.
Nadiah.
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Babies?
@ 11:03 PM
Today when I was in the ladies, I overheard 2 girls talking about giving birth and the pain mothers will experience. My gosh, that was scary. There goes my dream of having 10 children of my own. Probably I shall reduce it to five for now. The other 5, maybe I'll adopt them.
Yesterday, I went out with my cousin. I told her that she should wear more cortoonish t-shirts like me since she always wear too feminie tops everytime we went out. I should have known that me and my big mouth bring me to no good. She counter-atttacked me by saying that I should wear more feminine tops. But luckily I managed to distract her by talking about my up-coming Company's Dinner & Dance. So I told her I need shoes for the D&D and she focused on getting me the right shoes instead of a feminine top. Phew! That was a close call. And she managed to buy t-shirt with words instead of those plain kinds that can be a part of office wear.
Have a brief chat on the MSN with Yun. It was a good one. A tad of the sadness I felt is lifted off. We shall have that dinner, ya? Just message me the day, time and venue ok and we shall drag "chi-keen" along too. Hahaha.
Nadiah.
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The Ear Ring
@ 12:17 PM
Ugh...there are some things that I still never learn and end up in an awkward situation.
On Friday, while I was leaving for work, my manager suddenly called out my name. She was talking to some of my colleagues. They were saying something about her ear rings being nice and it being a present. Then she looks up and ask me where I buy these?
The first question that pops in my head was "Buy what?".
Followed by "What presents?"
And "Ear rings?"
I look at my colleague in a ultimate-blur what-is-she talking-about look.
Then it dawned on me that the ear rings was her Christmas presents from me.
Well, the reason that I didn't realise she was wearing it is because I have never seen it before. I forgot and too lazy to buy a Christmas present for my manager, so I ask another colleague of mine to buy 'something nice' for her. And this colleague of mine forgot to mention to me that my manager been wearing that earing for the whole week.
So when it dawned on me that she was talking about her Christmas presents from me that I have never seen before and no idea where it was bought from I just burst out laughing and ran out of the door. I cannot answer her question at all.
Nadiah.
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Mission: To FInd Me
@ 1:20 AM
Just the other day, while loud music pounding on my ears and I was contemplating on what my life have been so far and shuddering at the thought of what it will be, suddenly something just dawned on me. I miss my old self.
I noticed I am more impatient, easily angered, very grouchy, unhappy, depressive, and kept getting sick every month.
That is not me. I wasn't that.
Was I not the happy-go-lucky, good-natured girl? (Was i?)
I hate the me now. I love the no-worries me.
So my mission: To find the lovable Nadiah (well, Shut UP. Don't comment on this sentence. A girl can only dream. Hehehe!)
So, here we go. Embark on the journey to find me.
Nadiah.
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The Result of Boredom & Choices
@ 1:06 AM
I hate it when I'm bored. By stating the obvious, there is nothing for me to do.
So far, Tang & Gang is doing great. We are at least moving a bit. Just hope I can see through this project till it ends. I'm glad this project will take some of my free time away so I will be experiencing boredom lesser.
I am confused and torn. I want to study but I am financially unstable at the moment. It is not a possibility for the moment. And this is making me feel depressed. But I shall still go for the NTU talk next week. Anyone wants to join me?
I want to sign up for SPF & SAF. I almost did. Then on the day I decide to log in to the Internet and sign up, I check my mail box (physical, not emails) and that is when I received the letter from NTU about the talks.
I was ecstatic. I want to continue study. I was thinking of all the possibilities of financial bodies giving out help to needy students. My bubbles have to be burst by people. They tried to cover up by saying that its good that I still have the intention to study. They are just making me feel worst. Intention is not enough for me. I need to do it. I dislike the idea of doing it and not doing anything to make the things to happen. Thinking and actions are 2 different things.
So I fake it through by smiling. Only people who knows me well enough can tell that the smile is so fake. I am making it more obvious by snapping at anyone who just seems to annoy me or just being plain stupid. Unfortunately, I didn't meet the people who knows me well the whole week. So I was not comforted.
When I'm depressed, I just hate myself and everyone. When I have self-loathe, I become a difficult person. When I become a difficult person, I become mean and my words can hurt others badly. I shall try to manage my anger. But as of right now, I have not met any means that can help me channel my anger to something less harmful. Old methods don't work anymore. But I am open to suggestions.
You can sms me or email me any suggestions you have. Or just send a joke that a sure-way to make me smile/laugh. At least it makes my day happier.
Nadiah.
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Day 3
@ 12:13 AM
Only a few minutes past day 3 of year 2006 and so far I managed to accomplished 1 of my resolution: I dyed my hair black. In fact, I dyed it at the stroke of midnight. I was thinking of starting the new year with a humble start but I thought wrong. One of the otehr resolution is to curse less and today, I was a not-stop cursing machine. That is not good at all.
Met Yun and Syiq on eve of new year. It was great. It was weird. It was different. Everybody seemed changed. There was kind of some weird moments, proably caused by the long duration of us not meeting-ups and the individual personality/attitude change. But it's not bad. Just need a little adjustments.
Have meeting with for the now defunct Operation Yellow Ribbon. The others, especially Mrs Tang, was doubting my stay to the group. They know Yuana have officially back away from the group and have explained herself. And they all assumed (including myself) that Syiqin have silently remove herself from the group. They are wondering of I will follow suit since my "gang" is out from the group. I thought by now people will have guessed I'm not the "follow-the-group" kind. There are a lot of things that I did, even back in school, without Syiqin and Yuana. If I was that kind, I will have long ago beg Yuana and Syiqin to ask their boss to hire me at Darul Arqam, so that we could all work at the same place.
Syiqin, I think you should announce officially like Yuana that you want to be out of the group. It is not easy to guess whether you are in or out of this. They will always turn to me but I'm sorry, I can't say anything on your behalf because I myslef is left clueless, left hanging in the air wondering.
Anyway, we are forming new groups. I will be continuing what I have start and hopefully to see this project through the end, as well as to the next chapter, if there will be.
3rd day and I'm already depressed. Maybe I am throwing out all the anger I have kept so long. So expect me to be more outspoken, but I'll try not to be rude.
Think positive and happy thoughts Nadiah.
Nadiah.
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